Cats Review: OOF…

I would like to speak to the person in charge who thought that it was a good idea to make a live actionish CGI Fest based on a dreadful Broadway play and then give that film a 100 to 300 million dollar budget (depending on who you talk to). Then I would like to meet the person who released an unfinished version of that film only for a “fixed” version to be sent out to theaters less than 48 hours after critics and audiences savaged it like never before. Then, I want to know if these people are still actively employed because they shouldn’t be.

Photo by Universal Pictures – © 2019 Universal Pictures. All Rights Reserved.

I can only speak for myself, but the second I saw the trailer for this film, I knew that a prostate exam looked more exciting than Cats because it was shorter and wouldn’t give me a massive headache to look at. There really isn’t much more I can add to this story because Cats may go down as one of the biggest blunders of both the 2010s and the 2020s. This film is going up in a ball of flames and the sad part is there isn’t even a “so bad, it’s good” buzz going for it. It’s just trash.

The visuals of Cats are inexcusable making films like Foodfight look like a modern era masterpiece, by comparison. It reaches a point where it gets difficult to look at the screen due to how jarring it is. Attention to detail is thrown out the window in both the visuals and the script. You don’t know what is happening or what universe this takes place in or what the point of this film is. Every time you reach the edge of taking a cyanide pill, another musical act takes place sung by an actor who is just good enough not to have dogs howl at them. For an ensemble cast, Cats manages to bring together the worst personalities imaginable for a project like this such as James Corden, Ian McKellen, and Rebel Wilson (who has one of the worst songs I have ever heard in my life).

Photo by Universal Pictures – © 2019 Universal Pictures. All Rights Reserved.

When it comes to the NFL, every now and then a team plays a game so bad that you have to bury the football and forget that game ever happened. Cats is the buried football of cinema. It is truly a battle of wits that many people will not have the willpower to finish. The only ones who will find any sense of enjoyment out of this are furries and those people along with this film deserve to be euthanized.



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