The House Review

WARNING: The following review contains spoilers, I’m telling you now so you don’t pretend to be outraged later.

If Hollywood was run like the federal government, then I would be lobbying to completely defund the Department Of Comedy because clearly they are spending entirely too much money and providing very little laughs. It’s pretty obvious that there is a group in the Department of Comedy that believes they know what is best for us and they are going to give us awkward improv, toilet humor, and drug use when all we really want is unregulated funny.  Whenever a movie is not screened for critics prior to its release date, it is usually because they know the film stinks and they don’t want bad reviews to affect the box office. However, that didn’t stop New Line Cinema from putting $40 million dollars behind the comedic dud known as The House.

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I can’t oversell this enough, Hollywood’s idea of funny is simply broken. We have seen the same style of comedy over and over and the novelty has been expired for at least a decade now. Maybe it’s time someone mandated drug testing in the Department of Comedy because the Marijuana and Cocaine creative sessions that go into creating and producing these films are impairing their ability to create quality content for the taxpayers. The story here is Will Ferrell and Amy Poehler star as parents whose daughter is going to Bucknell and they have no way to pay for it. So they team up with their gambling addict friend Jason Mantzoukas, who decides to run a casino out of his home, and the group tries to rack up $500,000 in one month.

I would recommend sneaking into your local screening of The House and only sitting through the first 3 minutes of the film. Because those 3 minutes are so painfully unfunny, they justify walking right back out of the theater and going home. This should be no surprise given the fact the film is directed by Andrew Jay Cohen, a screenwriter who wrote Neighbors and Neighbors 2 because he is used to working on terrible comedies with terrible comedians. It’s like comedies have no scripts anymore, directors just give marginally funny actors free reign to just sit there and talk hoping something hilarious comes out of their mouths. Will Ferrell and Amy Poehler are only good for a few chuckles. Jason Mantzoukas is actually funny and the film would be purely unwatchable without him, even a cameo by Jeremy Renner feels like a complete waste of time and money but what more could you expect from Government run comedy (Hollywood).

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I went into this film with lower expectations than the American Health Care Act and got results worse than Affordable Care Act. Sometimes you have to save the establishment from themselves and it’s clear that the establishment comedians are completely out of touch with what Americans and beyond find funny and enjoying. Save your $15 and go bet on the Philadelphia Phillies winning a baseball game, at least that’s a more enjoyable way to piss away your money.

OFFICIAL RATING: *

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