If Disney were a slave owner, your name would be Kunta Kinte.
Fresh from sniffing cocaine off the butts of Asian hookers, thanks to all the money they collected from Avengers: Endgame, Disney executives announced the death of cinema earlier today. Now that they own EVERYTHING that Hollywood produces, Disney has officially announced 4 more Avatar films, 3 more Star Wars films, and 8 more Marvel Cinematic Universe films that will all see releases between now and 2027.
This announcement comes on top of the reveal that their streaming service, Disney Plus (the second streaming service Disney owns next to Hulu) will come with 5 new Marvel Cinematic Universe spin-off series involving the characters of Falcon, The Winter Soldier, Hawkeye, Loki, Scarlet Witch, and Vision. Disney Plus will also create 3 new Star Wars based series which will be available when the service goes live in November of this year.
For the rest of you poor souls who don’t want to watch several decades of rehashed and recycle properties from your childhood because that shit was 30 years ago, Disney responded with the following: