Disney Announces Ten Years Of Mediocre Films That You’ll Watch Anyway Because You Hate Your Life

If Disney were a slave owner, your name would be Kunta Kinte.

Fresh from sniffing cocaine off the butts of Asian hookers, thanks to all the money they collected from Avengers: Endgame, Disney executives announced the death of cinema earlier today. Now that they own EVERYTHING that Hollywood produces, Disney has officially announced 4 more Avatar films, 3 more Star Wars films, and 8 more Marvel Cinematic Universe films that will all see releases between now and 2027.

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This announcement comes on top of the reveal that their streaming service, Disney Plus (the second streaming service Disney owns next to Hulu) will come with 5 new Marvel Cinematic Universe spin-off series involving the characters of Falcon, The Winter Soldier, Hawkeye, Loki, Scarlet Witch, and Vision. Disney Plus will also create 3 new Star Wars based series which will be available when the service goes live in November of this year.

For the rest of you poor souls who don’t want to watch several decades of rehashed and recycle properties from your childhood because that shit was 30 years ago, Disney responded with the following:


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11 thoughts on “Disney Announces Ten Years Of Mediocre Films That You’ll Watch Anyway Because You Hate Your Life

  1. Disney: We’re out of ideas. So we have to use established franchises to keep ourselves alive.

  2. This is why I’ve been having fun looking into the past for better films. Including the 90s. As much shit as that decade got for how ridiculous and goofy its films got, it at least had several solid ones every couple months. What the fuck does today’s cinema have now compared to that? Jack and shit, and Jack is dead because feminism killed him.

      1. Yeah, that film is quite entertaining. The current state of the industry has led me to make a (very very VERY slowly moving) blog series where I revisit the 90s, month by month, and highlight the best films, shows, games, and music the decade had to offer. I’m currently working on April 1990 (almost done, maybe a few more days once I get the urge to get through the game section), but you might be interested in what the first 3 months have produced. Especially considering January and February are supposed to be the slow months that produce the lesser films of the year. I mean, just the first 3 months of 1990 alone gave us Tremors, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and The Hunt For Red October.


    1. My wife and I watched “The Maltese Falcon” on DVD last night on a 100 inch video monitor closely approximating the theater experience. It struck both of us as a gleeful celebration of “toxic masculinity”. We both loved it and felt it was an act of resistance. I note, however, that streaming services like Amazon Prime want to you forgo buying physical media where you own the disk, but instead pay them money to permanently rent the property. Thereby giving them control over your future viewing. As we have seen it is now within the realm of the possible for quasi-monopoly corporations, like Disney and Amazon fer instance, simply forbidding you watching movies you “own” through their services as they become non PC. For this reason, always buy the physical media.

  3. The computer/software/internet/bandwidth booms have not yet been fully comprehended in their effects either now or for the near future. One unfortunate and unforeseen result is the accumulation of unprecedentedly large amounts of power, both economic and political, in the hands of a relatively small number of multi-billionaire moguls and multinationals. How that is handled by the democratic processes in place will tell if the future is either bright or dystopian.

    1. It seemed bright for the first 20 years, more or less. But that is now changing to dystopian. For the simple fact that online content is getting censored (youtube, amazon, twitter, facebook), and its effects are starting to be felt. While the first 20 years may have been grand for the most part, the next 20 will not be.

      1. The early 2000s was the wild west where everything goes. Now progressives have discover that social media is the perfect loophole around squashing civil rights and colluding with government and now they have weaponized it to spread the authoritarianism they can’t do through the state

  4. Disney may have a problem in 2020. Im done with STAR WARS and i have a feeling once ep 9 is out most everyone else will be too. Now that Endgame is out people will start to loose interest in the already overly represented comic book genre,if they haven’t started to already. Plus these live action remakes are starting to loose their novelty of excitement.Even the new toy story looks to have bit of a social justice plot. They may SJW themselves out of business!

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