47 Meters Down Quick Review

WARNING: The following review contains spoilers, I’m telling you now so you don’t pretend to be outraged later.

Anybody remember when Mandy Moore was a thing? No? Well, she’s back with her latest film…because she does movies apparently, called 47 Meters Down. Here’s the premise, and stop me if you hear any red flags. Two sisters go to Mexico…ok, let me finish. Two sisters go to Mexico by themselves and meet a couple of decent looking guys who convince them to go shark diving on a rusted janky ass boat with a shark tank that looks like tetanus is a bigger concern than the sharks. Yep, that’s this film in a nutshell. Unsurprisingly, things go wrong immediately as the shitty boat falls apart and the girls are stuck half a football field under shark infested waters.

This film is a one trick pony, someone came up with the idea and there wasn’t much thought put into anything else. Outside of a laughably bad montage, this film offers exactly what you expect, a claustrophobic B-movie thriller. The problem is the leads are completely boring, Mandy Moore cannot carry a film and expecting anyone to pay money to see her is pretty ridiculous even with a small budget like this. I mean she’s so boring that even plays into the plot because her boyfriend wants nothing to do with her either. The film does get better when they finally plunge into the water, but it’s a rough trip to get there and when you arrive, it doesn’t offer anything exciting outside of a couple of cool camera fakeouts.  47 Meters Down is a bigger nothingburger than Rachel Maddow’s Trump tax scoop. I left the theater feeling nothing for this movie and I feel even less writing this review. If you want a better Shark thriller, watch last years The Shallows, it’s better in every aspect.

OFFICIAL RATING: *

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