John Cena is wrapping up his pro wrestling retirement tour, meaning by year’s end, he’ll hang up his jorts for good. The bad news? He’ll have ample time to churn out more dreadful movies no one asked for.

Predicting where Cena’s acting career will land is tricky. He’s not a bankable juggernaut like The Rock, who commands nine-figure budgets for action franchises. Nor does he carry the dramatic gravitas of Dave Bautista, who’s snagged meaty roles in prestige films. Cena’s niche is comedy, where his natural charm and hulking presence should shine. The problem? His movies aren’t funny, and Heads of State is a prime example of why.

On paper, pairing Cena with Idris Elba in an action-comedy sounds like a slam dunk. But then comes the pitch: make Cena the U.S. president and Elba the U.K. prime minister, then hand the reins to a Russian director who turns the film into a smug mockery of America, tailored for audiences still fuming over last November’s election. The result is a film so painfully unfunny it makes you question Hollywood’s grasp on comedy.

Heads of State casts Cena as an action-star-turned-president, a not-so-subtle jab at a certain real-world figure. Elba plays a former military man now serving as Britain’s prime minister, struggling to win over his constituents. The two leaders clash like oil and water, but their bickering takes a backseat when a terrorist attack on Air Force One leaves them as the sole survivors.

With a shadowy organization hell-bent on dismantling the United Nations, the reluctant duo must team up to save the Western world from chaos. For a decade, I’ve railed against “progressive storytelling”—a predictable formula where you can guess the heroes and villains based on the biases of an ultra-progressive screenwriter.

In Heads of State, the moment a white female politician touting “America First” rhetoric appears, you can bet your life savings she’s the villain. It’s lazy, telegraphed, and insults the audience’s intelligence. The film banks on Cena and Elba’s charisma to carry a two-hour slog, but even their star power can’t salvage a script this devoid of wit or originality.

The comedy falls flat, with punchlines that feel like they were focus-grouped in a Los Angeles coffee shop. The action sequences are equally uninspired, lacking the kinetic energy needed to distract from the story’s flaws. The drama? Pure cookie-cutter, recycling tired buddy-cop tropes without a shred of emotional depth.

Cena’s president is portrayed as a bumbling fool—a heavy-handed caricature of the current U.S. leader—while Elba’s prime minister fares slightly better but still feels like a cardboard cutout. Hollywood’s obsession with dunking on America, especially in a film timed for the Fourth of July weekend, reeks of tone-deaf pandering to coastal elites.

The only flicker of life comes in a brief scene featuring Jack Quaid, which almost entertains—until it leans on the overplayed “Sabotage” by Beastie Boys to prop up the energy. Even the film’s best moment feels like a hackneyed recycle, underscoring how creatively bankrupt this project is. Heads of State is a soulless addition to Amazon Prime’s mediocre lineup, a movie that exists to fill streaming quotas rather than entertain.

Comedy is in a dire state, and Hollywood’s idea of funny—smirks for New York and L.A. insiders—alienates everyone else. If you’re hunting for a Fourth of July laugh, you’re more likely to chuckle at Schindler’s List than endure this joyless slog. Cena’s charm can’t save a script that mistakes snark for humor, and Elba deserves better than playing straight man to a parade of tired gags. The film’s political jabs are as subtle as a sledgehammer, alienating anyone who values storytelling over agenda-pushing.

Heads of State isn’t just a missed opportunity; it’s a case study in everything wrong with modern comedy. It’s predictable, preachy, and painfully unfunny, banking on star power to mask its lack of substance. Cena’s wrestling days may be over, but his cinematic choices suggest he’s still grappling with picking roles that showcase his potential. For a movie about world leaders saving the day, Heads of State feels like a diplomatic disaster, leaving audiences with nothing but a bad taste and a longing for the days when comedies actually made you laugh.

1/5

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