Over the last decade, low-tier filmmakers have figured out a cheat code to get positive reviews for their films no matter the movie’s quality.

Make the main character of your story a member of the LGBTQ community and focus most of your film on a gay relationship.  If you do this, no film critics will have the ability to say anything negative about the movie or else by their own Progressive logic fall victim to becoming a homophobic bigot.

Despite using this cheat code to get good reviews, you still have one other obstacle to overcome: the audience. Modern audiences, despite being pandered to the most, do not care about LGBTQ-centered love stories, which is why multiple films and television shows find themselves flopping time and time again.

When you look at the trailer for the film, My Old Ass, Amazon MGM Studios did a very clever job suppressing the true contents of this movie to avoid any backlash that the film will receive publicly for pushing the rainbow agenda.  The bad news is that anyone who happens to get duped into watching this movie will likely find themselves with an intense battle of attrition within the first 10 minutes of the pseudo-coming-of-age story that only an industry as degenerate as Hollywood can find relatable.

My Old Ass is a film about a young teenage girl named Elliot.  Elliot is a foul mouth lesbian who when she isn’t spending her time getting high with her friends spends even more time pitying her family. One day Elliott and her friends decide on the bright idea of taking a trip to the woods so that they can all do mushrooms and get high together.

In the course of tripping on drugs,  Elliot is confronted with her 39-year-old self played by Aubrey Plaza.  The older Elliot doesn’t have much advice to give to her younger self with the only exception being to not be involved with a boy named Chad.  As Elliot begins to do the exact opposite of what her older self told her to do, she then begins to ponder exactly what is the next step for her future as she is only a few weeks away from leaving town for good.

The marketing of this movie will tell you that this is a new coming-of-age story,  My Old Ass is a story about a girl fighting against her desire to become a heterosexual. That may seem a bit too dismissive, but that is all that this film truly has to offer.  The film has the writing structure of a Hallmark movie with the writing quality of a Tubi exclusive.

The character of Elliot is supposed to be a Hollywood example of a modern relatable young girl but she is only relatable in the eyes of a complete degenerate.  Ellie is a foul-mouthed girl, does hardcore drugs with her friends, has a worldview that revolves around social justice, and occasionally makes time to have sex with her girlfriend in public places.  This is the type of behavior that Hollywood thinks is typical of your everyday American teenage girl.

If this is false, Hollywood is living in a complete fantasy. If this is true, our nation is in more dire straits than we could have ever imagined.  Aubrey Plaza playing the older version of Elliot is a woman who was supposed to be a wiser and more grounded version of our protagonist. In reality, she has become the end game for every Progressive intersectional feminist woman living in a big city.  She’s 40 years old, she has no kids, has no husband, but she has a PHD which means that she is a success in life.

The film is a cinematic overdose of liberal coping that tries to come back around in the final acts of the movie and have a heartwarming moment with our protagonist by turning her into a normal human being.

The major conflict of the entire movie revolves around our character fleeing from a boy named Chad.  Elliot is not told why she needs to flee from Chad and the only reason that she gives herself is that if she commits to a relationship with Chad she’ll no longer be a special member of the LGBTQ protected class. At its core, the movie is an internal struggle about a girl fighting any remnants of a normal life to maintain what intersectional feminists would call a normal life.

The most insulting thing about this movie is that it actually takes a somewhat creative premise and completely dumps all over it leaving the film as nothing more than a busted sandcastle of ideas by writer and director Megan Park. Structurally the film makes no sense to the point that even the film itself has to address the fact that there are no established rules for how this whole thing works. Whatever rules they do establish they end up breaking by the time you get to the third Act.

The only wholesome message that this entire film presents is the simple saying of spending more time with your family outside of that, My Old Ass is a film that exists solely to increase Amazon’s Studio index rating when it ranks them on how much LGBTQ representation they had in the year 2024. 

If you’re looking for a movie, You can find a better quality film on the Lifetime Network.

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