January is the absolute worst month of the year for movies.

Known as a cinematic graveyard for film, January is where studios dump their bad films knowing that no one will watch them as people financially recover from the holidays. The trailer for the latest Shudder film “PG: Psycho Goreman” might lead you to believe that it is a wacky zany fun escape from our current reality. Wrong…so wrong.

Psycho Goreman is a reminder of why no one wanted to risk it’s profit in theater in the first place. Two crazy siblings Mimi (Nita-Josee Hanna) and Luke (Owen Myre) are in the middle of playing a game they created themselves when they stumble across a glowing gem they found in the ground. Turns out that gem belongs to an ancient extraterrestrial overlord who brutally murders everyone in its path. Lucky for the kids, the gem gives them the ability to control him, stopping them from suffering the same fate as everyone else. As the kids have their fun with the monster, a warrior member of The Templars is on her way to earth in order to bring down “Psycho Goreman” once and for all.

Once again we have a textbook case of audiences vs critics when it comes to how they view a film. While critics take to quirky cynicism like catnip when it comes from the mouths of children, audiences are left holding the bag of a boring low budget comedy barely worthy of the SyFy channel. A film that tries so hard to recreate the camp of 1980s b movie cinema by mocking the flaws in it’s own story can’t overcome them by pointing it out. Meta jokes about stretching out jokes long past it’s expiration dates doesn’t make it any more funny. 

Progressive Hollywood tropes of portraying men as dumb for comedic relief as well as religious zealots as the villians/oppressors are in fill effect. The novelty of kids in a Rated R setting loses steam early as they are not entertaining enough to make you root against the prospect of their deaths.

The only credit this film deserves is its creative costume design and practical effects which are pretty impressive for a film of this budget. Otherwise, Psycho Goreman isn’t not worth the 99 minutes of your life the film thinks it deserves.

1/5

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