Quarantine Retrospective: San Andreas

In a film where a 9.1 earthquake completely destroys the entire landscape of the state of California, superstar firefighter Raymond Gaines (Dwayne Johnson) proves to the world that when the citizens of Los Angeles need him the most…he won’t be there because his
teenage” daughter is somewhere in San Francisco so you assholes are on your own.

The gaps of logic you have to make in order to make sense of this film. First, San Andreas wants you to believe that Alexandra Daddario is the daughter of the The Rock…

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Then they want you to believe that she is teenager in the film…

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Then they want you to believe that helicopters with failing engines can squeeze into giant rocks and make pit maneuvers like cars…

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Then they want you to believe that in the event of a catastrophic earthquake you should run to the roof of a tall building and wait for The Rock to save you…in a helicopter…that he basically stole…

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Then they want you to believe that Rock is superstar firefighter yet manages to save absolutely no one but his ex-wife during the entire course of the film…

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If you watched this film in D-Box like I did, you probably thought it was just fine but it doesn’t hold up with multiple viewings.

San Andreas is pretty tame for a disaster porn movie. I mean millions of people definitely die but you don’t really see any of it. I guess the contrast of multiple families in Los Angeles and San Francisco getting taken out while Rock is driving emergency vehicles through their bodies was too jarring for a schlock film.

Sure you have The Rock along side two good looking women but you don’t have much else. The film spends too much time with side characters who offer nothing but stereotypes meaning the main star. The stunts aren’t there, the destruction is pretty weak, it just seems like Warner Bros mailed it in knowing that they had their money made on the back of their megastar.

San Andreas is a mid-tier disaster movie, if you are looking for end of the world entertainment, there are better picks on Netflix.


2 thoughts on “Quarantine Retrospective: San Andreas

  1. Speaking of Dwayne Johnson, how about a retro-review of “Faster”? *

    * Warning – one of my favs.

  2. Watched it last night. Everything you said was true. Thanks to your review, we approached the movie though was as if it was a schlock fest ala Sharknado and laughed at but enjoyed the sillyness. Having ripped off “Taken” with the initial set up, I was happy to see the giant container ship splat the evil interloper step-father as a pay off. Also thought Johnson did a credible job.

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