WARNING: The following review contains spoilers, I’m telling you now so you don’t pretend to be outraged later.
19 Billion Dollars…
And 1 overreaching evil global corporation who now owns 50% of the market share of everything you watch because you wanted Thor vs Wolverine and now it’s not happening until at least 2025…get REKT nerds. The Marvel Cinematic Universe is done.
Sure, there are six more MCU films in the works along with 5 more Disney Plus streaming shows in development, but it’s over. Everything you loved about this film universe is officially gone. Avengers: Endgame is in every sense of the term an ‘end of an era’ movie. People who have invested the last 11 years of their lives into this movie series have anticipated this film and its conclusion. For many people watching this film, this is the final 3 hours and 2 minutes of their MCU viewing career, the only question left is whether their MCU retirement will go out like Kobe Bryant or Joe Theismann? The answer is a bit of both.
Instead of doing a full-fledged movie review where you cry about spoilers, I am going to give you a list of random thoughts from an old school retiring Marvel fan while watching the end of an era called Avengers: Endgame.
SocietyReviews’ Non-Review Review of Avengers: Endgame
- I feel like Ric Flair walking down the ramp for his last match at WrestleMania 24 walking into this theater. Let’s do this!
- I’m so glad I didn’t go to AMC, 25 minutes of garbage movie trailers saved.
- Oh hey, Hawkeye. Your family is dead, lol.
- Ok…Spiderman died in your arms, The Guardians are dead, half the universe killed…this is a great time for paper football.
- Epic foreshadowing with Tony Stark.
- Yea!… It’s Captain Shoeho…I mean Marvel
- Sorry Tony, You were STILL wrong in Civil War
- And Thanos is dead…goodnight everybody!
- Roll Credits
- Citi Field still looks more hopeful than when the Mets play there.
- Antman reuniting with his daughter…best MCU moment in YEARS
- It’s CAAAAAAARL….Carl Manvers!!!
- “You might not see me for a long time” If only that were true.
- Also, did the film just tell the audience that Carl Manvers is just going to disappear for 80% of the movie? Why shoehorn her into the universe this late anyway?
- Scarlett Johansson with her best look since Ironman 2.
- Chris Evans is the best thing about the MCU, too bad he’s a dildo IRL.
- Time Travel…why not?
- Time Travel storylines always make perfect sense after multiple jumps.
- Fat Thor is still in better shape than me.
- It makes sense that Thor blames himself, this is what continuity looks like.
- Raccoon really feels out of place in this movie, it’s like there isn’t an angle for him to be out here. Should have kept Starlord alive instead.
- So I guess we are going to bring back all the people who Hawkeye killed too?
- IT’S MORPHIN RETCON TIME!!!!
- At least Kat Dennings isn’t in this movie.
- Hawkeye snapped out of his Punisher phase pretty quickly.
- Captain America Ass…
- It’s obvious that the Russo Brothers actually WATCHED the previous films, unlike some people…
- Stan Lee’s last cameo…underwhelming.
- Aren’t they screwing up the timeline even further by going back to the 70s?
- Was that whole scene solely to bring Loki back to life for the Disney Plus series?
- Why not just go back in time and get more particles from Pym?
- Wouldn’t Peggy be like 50 at this point? You are losing me movie.
- Yeah…Tony is going to bite it.
- Oh no…another character with a future film already announced is dead.
- Also, why not just bring back an alternative universe Black Widow? You already did it with Gamora.
- Did anyone listen with Nebula when she said how to get the soul gem? Why are they acting surprised?
- No one seems concerned that Nebula is not here
- So when everyone comes back, do they go from dust to people again?
- Wait, wouldn’t killing past Nebula also kill future Nebula?
- Cap FINALLY welds Thor’s hammer, nerd moment.
- Cap FINALLY breaks his shield, nerd moment.
- And this is what everyone has waited 11 years to see.
- Shut up Spiderman!
- I mean…it does make sense, Gamora hated Quil in the first film.
- Wait, when did Pepper become an Avenger?
- Yep, Tony is going to die.
- Carl is back….YAY…
- YAASSS QUEEN SLAYS!!!!!!!
- Huh? Captain Marvel was stronger than Thanos with the full gauntlet but using the power stone was enough to stop her?
- I AM BATMAN!!!!
- That battle was a bit quick.
- And Tony is dead. Didn’t see that coming.
- So the ending to Endgame is the ending to Infinity War but reversed?
- Wait, shouldn’t Spiderman be in College at this point? Is everyone coming back five years older?
- So Valkyrie is now Queen of…Norway???
- I’m sorry; doesn’t one of these gems have the power to bring people back to life?
- Well, that’s a lame way to write Captain America out of the series.
- WOO HOO!!!! 3 Hours and I never have to sit through another end credit scene again! Fuck You Disney!!
- *Cracks Beer* Meh…3/5
All in all, Avengers: Endgame is a pretty good film and a solid ending for the Marvel Cinematic Universe…as long as you don’t watch another MCU film after this. If this was your Marvel retirement party then you really couldn’t have asked for a better send off. The story isn’t perfect by any means, even the film itself mocks how time travel has been an overused plot for SO many films over the decades and the introduction of the ‘time machine’ feels really cheap. While much of the film is callbacks and closures to past MCU films, the sense of danger is gone. The villain Thanos, is taken out early and is shoehorned in again a couple of hours later because the film needed a villain. Much is made of the runtime and honestly, this didn’t need to be 3 hours, there was enough filler here to cut that down.
If you are one of the fans out there who started watching this series from the jump then you will like this movie. There moments throughout the film which were made especially for the fans to mark out for in the theaters. The fanboys will love it, the general audiences will enjoy the experience. As far as the future goes, while there isn’t much wokeness to this film, the movie does set up the next phase of the MCU that is set to follow the current age of Marvel Comics. This is where my journey ends. As someone who has fought against progressive nonsense and propaganda especially in Marvel Comics, if this is the direction they are destined to go then I am out. Avengers: Endgame is best described as a roller coaster of overwhelming and mark out moments. How much you enjoy those moments is up to the viewer.
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