It’s pretty clear at this point that critic’s opinion of the Transformers Series is pretty irreverent. For years everyone has talked about how much they hate these movies and how bad the writing and directing is, yet every time the new one comes out it ends up making over a billion dollars at the box office proving that critic’s opinion means nothing. So why waste my time talking about the cinematography and the Mise-en-scène of Transformers: The Last Knight when clearly you don’t give a crap anyway. So instead of a giving you a full-fledged movie review, which will be a waste of everyone’s time especially my own, I am just going to give you a list of random things I was thinking about while watching Transformers: The Last Knight…the fifth one if you have lost count.

 

 

SocietyReviews’ Non-Review of Transformers: The Last Knight

• 8 PM…Preview Time! Let’s Get this shitshow started!

• Thor: Ragnarok trailer…Cate Blanchett looks good in the green suit…meh on everything else

• Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets Trailer….if this isn’t the biggest bomb of 2017, I’ll eat my socks

• Daddy’s Home 2…they really made another one?

• Okay, robot noises, time for the film to start

• EXPLOSIONS!!!!!

• RAG DOLLS!!!!!

• Michael Bay is clearly a Game of Thrones fan with this opening

• ANOTHER Secret Government agency tasked with fighting Transformers? Aren’t you guys like 0-6 so far in this series

• Haha…Boyz n the Hood reference

• Wait? So the giant yellow robot that just died WASN’T Bumblebee?

• Nevermind, there’s Bumblebee…

• Cybertron, was this established in the last film?

• New Megan Fox is better looking than Old Megan Fox

• That little stupid robot is the Beetleborgs of little stupid robots

• Is that the guy who played Billy in the Power Rangers movie?

• *Google Search*…nope, that’s another black guy

• WHY IS EVERYONE IN THIS SCENE YELLING!!!!!!!!!!!!!

• Fuck sake, the dialogue of these movies are terrible

• Why does Michael Bay have a hard-on for jive talking robots? They have never been funny

• Why does the military still try to trust Megatron? He should be shot on sight at this point

• They should just go ahead and do a Transformers/Fast & Furious crossover at this point, just go full potato

• MORE EXPLOSIONS!!!!!

• Holy shit, it’s been 80 minutes and I forgot Optimus Prime was in this fucking movie

• I forgot that British Megan Fox was in this movie too

• Anthony Hopkins has literally been rambling about fucking nothing for about 7-8 minutes now

• This is literally an army of Fuck You Robots

• Just because you point out nobody knows what the fuck anyone is talking about doesn’t mean that the audience doesn’t know what the fuck you are talking about…what the fuck is everyone talking about?

• Bumblebee vs Nazis….that just happened

• MORE RAGDOLLS!!!!!

• Why is John Turturro in this movie? I mean, why?

• Lame Implied Sex Jokes are Lame

• More Jive Talking Robots…haven’t been funny in 10 years

• No wonder Hollywood is mad at President Trump…those tax breaks for filming in Communist Cuba are about to go bye-bye

• SLOW MOTION!!!!!!!

• My daydreams about British Megan Fox is more entertaining than this movie

• Why is there a submarine right now?

• Cinemasins will need 25-30 minutes of footage for this film

• I’m positive the water pressure would have killed everyone at this point

• Marky Mark and British Megan Fox have changed clothes three times since they have boarded the submarine with no explanation whatsoever

• If they just destroyed the moon, I’m sure earth would already be fucked

• Optimus Prime is still in this movie apparently

• Why is 15 year old J-Lo in this movie?

• Peter Cullen must be too fucking old to be in this movie longer than 15 minutes, let the man die in peace

• 5 movies in and we finally hear Bumblebee’s real voice

• Avengers: Age of Ultron said, dropping a giant rock from 400 feet up will cause global extinction…in this movie, a giant planet sized anchor hits the earth from space…minimal damage.

• Are they really going to ‘Death Star’ Cybertron?

• Anthony Hopkins got fucking REKT!!!!

• Holy shit, there are STILL 30 minutes left in this movie

• Megatron is still here? Why is he even in this movie? He has literally done fuck all

• The humans and the Autobots are teaming up…I wish I knew what they were fighting

• I have to pee…

• Can humans breathe from 21,000 feet up? I’m sure oxygen should be a major problem right now

• Fucking EXPLOSIONS!!!!!

• Yeah, that impact from falling Cybertron should still be killing a lot of people right now

• We Win??? I think?

• Ok…I guess we won

• What the fuck is Unicron?

• People hate this film so much, they are walking out of the end credit scene while it’s playing

• So Transformers 6…it’s a thing.

• Wait? Was Tyrese ever in this movie? Wasn’t he in the credits?

• Two hours and 50 minutes…cannot get that time back

 

 

 

The best thing I can say about Transformers: The Last Knight is that it is 15 shorter than Transformers: Age of Extinction. At the end of the day, this film is almost so bad it’s worth watching…almost

 

 

OFFICIAL RATING: 

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